Are you redeemable?

As some of you may know I am currently in therapy, after many years of doing self-help, learning about psychology and neuroscience as well as trauma healing, I decided I was exhausted and I needed a professional. Despite getting a therapist I continue to do my own reading so I am able to take an active part in my own healing journey. It has definitely really helped open my eyes to so many concepts I had not thought about before.

One of the concepts I have been learning about is this idea of "redemption." It's particularly interesting when we look at movie characters that go through an anti-hero phase or are the anti-hero themselves. Usually this character goes through some hardship and makes bad decisions, often times if the decisions are bad enough we start hating the character. Sometimes the storyline is so unhinged you just stop watching. I definitely got to this point multiple times in my life and it made me think about all the fictional characters that were able to redeem themselves.

They go on what I like to call an apology world tour, they make amends, they change their lives for the better and suddenly we love that character again but is this the case in real life?

Reality

In actuality I have been the anti-hero quite a few times and what they don't tell you is, if you don't know or haven't been taught proper social behaviour or seen healthy relationships in your own life, it is incredibly hard to write your own redemption arc.

Sometimes we sympathize with the anti-hero for a while, but eventually people stop feeling sorry. Other times people move away, people forgive and forget even without an apology or you just never see those people again.

If you have also been the anti-hero or maybe you're currently in your villain era and have stopped caring entirely, I am hoping I can change that, at least a little.

We are all the anti-hero sometimes

I want you to really take some time to reflect on the times in your life that you have been the anti-hero. Did you hurt someone? Did you do something morally wrong? Do you treat people poorly or hurl your anger at others? Maybe there's a scenario in your mind that creeps up on you during bad days that comes back to say you're a bad person and that you're not redeemable?

Think of the worst thing you have ever done.

Now I am going to tell you something that is 100% completely a true fact.

You are redeemable. You are a good person (no matter how small you think this part of you is). You do not have to go on the apology world tour (unless you want to). All you have to do is do better. Make sure that you do not make the same mistakes, make better ones. If you can apologize and make things right with someone, do that, even if they don't respond you sleep better knowing you tried.

A book I read about a year ago spoke about how it is impossible to not hurt and be hurt when we live in a society of people we have to interact with. Having relations means the possibility of being hurt and hurting others. The only thing you can do is learn from the experience.

So please keep learning.

Love,

Simran